Facebook and birthday messages on your wall. lol I know I just love to waste the whole day away refreshing, passive-aggressively hinting and making mental notes of which a-holes forgot. But since this singular pleasure only comes but once a year, it's important that you don't eff it up! Here's 8 types of messages you should avoid. Not to appear ungrateful or anything.
Boring
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Honestly, people! How you gonna just write 'Happy Birthday!' Yes, technically we should be happy that someone we don't really know wrote us a message at all, but at least take the time to wish us an awesome friggin' day. Or make a funny non-specific joke. All caps or CrEaTiVe TyPiNg doesn't count as effort. And the creative typing will actually ruin my friggin' day. I don't like to think of myself as someone who looks forward to birthday greetings from morons I don't even know who do that stupid typing.
Completely Inappropriate
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Nine times out of ten these will be from your parents. They will say nasty things about conceiving you or squeezing you out or how you played with a turd at your first birthday party. The other ten percent will be weird old family friends talking about your development and asking if you're 18 yet.
Unintentionally Leading To Something Inappropriate
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Now a lot of times people, particularly parents are just trying to be sweet. But they've inadvertently opened the door to disgusting responses. Especially when their little angel baby from heaven grew up to be Scumbag Steve.
The Piggyback
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It's like you don't even care, you're just doing it because you saw someone else do it! Or even worse you're using my greeting to fulfill your own selfish agenda. MY birthday is my day of selfish agendas! Make your own damn wall post. I need an accurate count when I compare my numbers to other friends birthday bounties.
The Bitter Tirade
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Birthdays are not the time to settle your beefs....am I right? Is nothing sacred anymore? Although I have to say, if you're dumb enough to be 'the good person' who stays friends with your exes and other a-hole haters you've encountered in your life, then I don't fell bad laughing at the humorous juxtaposition of the bitter tirade amid all the loving wishes.
Desperate
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Most people leaving messages, even the boring and annoying, are just trying to be nice. Now I feel guilty for ragging them...MOVING ON! But some use their message purely as an excuse to find out where the party's at! Here's a hint...if you don't know it's because you weren't invited!! Party invitations are reserved for REAL friends.I'm more than happy to let you see my awesome party photo album the next day. And another hint...Perhaps you'd be invited to more events if you weren't constantly posting about how you like to leave your party hosts upper deckers as presents.
Forever Alone
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You spend the whole day checking and nothing. You make sure your info settings are correct, your birthday IS available for everyone to see! But still crickets. NOTIFICATION! Your mom. Sorry...It doesn't count. Even receiving the first seven types of messages is better than this scenario! Hippo birdee two ewes, baby!
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