Letter of Apology to the Vice President's wife, from a ‘spoilt’ primary school kid

Dear Auntie Matilda,

I wish to apologise on behalf of my head teacher for making that bizarre request. It is very silly to ask government to provide us with chalk, log books and other teaching and learning materials. We all know that is the work of those American NGOs. They always bring us pens, pencils, chalk, crayons and books, not the government.

I will also like to apologise on behalf of all parents and school children who received free school uniforms and sandals. Auntie, it is very true what you said. Government has spoilt us with all these freebies. Government officials don’t enjoy such freebies so why should children like us? Auntie, I bet you’ve never ever enjoyed any government freebie before. It is unfair for us to expect government to give us free uniforms and sandals when the president, his vice- your husband and the ministers and various appointees do not receive any freebies at all.

Oh sorry auntie Matilda. In my hast to apologise, I’ve completely forgotten to ask about your journey back to Accra. Please forgive me. I hope you had a comfortable drive back. I know your four-wheel drive wouldn’t have any problems gliding over those giant potholes in our village. And your seats looked very well padded so you wouldn’t even feel the bump if your driver was careless enough to go through the biggest pothole- which is about 10 times the size of my head. And you had the whole backseat to yourself. It must have been a real hustle-free journey. Nothing like how we travel to Accra. We travel on those rickety Ford vans. My father can’t afford to pay for a seat for me so I always perch on my mother’s lap- one hand holding onto the side of the seat for balance and the other hand masking my nose from the dust. It must be really nice travelling in dusty and hot conditions in your fully air-conditioned vehicle. Maybe one day my tiny buttocks will get the chance to sit in a 4×4 like yours.

A vehicle like that must be really expensive. And it must consume a lot of petrol too. It must be really expensive to own and maintain a vehicle like that. Someone told me the Taxpayer bought that 4×4 for you. I wonder who that Taxpayer is. He/she must be very very rich. God bless him/her for making your life so comfortable. I wish the Taxpayer will buy us some chalk to help us learn at school.

Auntie, I really have to end here. I need to finish my homework before the lights go off. It’ll be off for the next 48 hours but when it’s back on, we will be able to test those computers you brought. I hope they work, I hear those second-hand computers blow up often because of the dumsor. Anyway, bye for now auntie.

Maame Ghanaba,